Christmas
Product Review: Christmas. “What could possibly be wrong with Christmas?” you ask, fully expecting a Scroogelike dissertation about commercialism and misappropriated pagan traditions disguised as religion and goodwill. You expect some bitter, depressing missive about the lame and phony attempts at joy and good cheer that circulate this time of year.
Well, you are going to be disappointed. Somewhat, anyway. I like Christmas, and all the traditions and togetherness and other crap that goes along with it. At least I used to. If I have one complaint about Christmas, it’s that the older I get, the less I excited I am about it. If I’m not seeing anyone at the time, it just makes you feel a little bit more lonely. I am old, and I am alone, so that takes some of the luster off of it.
That’s natural, though. When I was a kid, I remember my parents doing a lot of stuff to make Christmas fun and memorable for my brother and me. When I think back on it, though, I recall that they weren’t really having a lot of fun all the time. It was work for them. The joy they got out of it was seeing it through the eyes of their children. So if you’re kind of old, you have that. If you’re pretty old, you have grandkids, so you still get some of that contact high. If you’re really old, you just want to get the damn thing over with already, and get back to waiting for death, either with dread or a sense of relief.
Even when I was older, although I had no children, I could still enjoy Christmas through the eyes of my nieces. I still had fun going to or throwing my own parties. My parents used to always have a houseful of people on Christmas eve. The holidays were still kind of fun.
Now my friends and I don’t really care all that much about parties. For acquaintances with children and families, it feels like one more obligation to cram into an already busy schedule. My parent’s friends are mostly dead, so having a party on Christmas eve is now like a visual representation of whatever the high end life expectancy is at the time. It simply serves as a reminder that they probably don’t have a lot of Christmases left in them, so in the absence of sort of tontine forged long ago in some secret society, there is no reason to see who lived to see another December. Still, living to see another Christmas is cause for celebration.
I don’t know if Christmas means quite the same thing for today’s kids as it did for kids from older generations. When I was a kid, you didn’t have all the gadgets and choices you have today. You had a few TV channels, a movie theater, (with two screens, if you were lucky), and a lot of spare time. You didn’t have phones or the internet or streaming or video games. Kids today must look back and think kids from the older generations really got screwed. We were expected to entertain ourselves. Most kids didn’t really have a lot of toys, at least not really cool ones. Everyone had board games, but there were only a few somewhat expensive, really fun and exciting toys a year, and you generally got one of those at Christmas, again, if you were lucky. Nowadays, kids regularly get whatever new video game comes out that day, at $60+ a pop. In my day, a video game like that was something you might get at Christmas, if you were lucky, and if your parents could find it on sale or in some bargain bin. They have the latest phones, also filled with video games. The best we had was walkie talkies, that had a range of 25 feet. You waited for Christmas for that one really amazing toy a year you might get.
There was no guarantee you were getting it at all. I was lucky that there was only my brother and I. My parents could afford two decent toys once a year. I had friends whose family had four or five kids, and there was no way their parents were buying that many expensive toys. The best they could hope for is one big one that they all had to share, which was often worse than getting nothing at all. If you didn’t get that one big, had to have toy, you lived with it. You might pout and whine if you were a lousy kid, but you got over it.
These days, I see kids getting amazing and cool things all year long, like it’s just a given. I see parents going overboard at Christmas, and spending thousands of dollars on their kids. And why not? That’s how they live as well. People these days want whatever is newest and shiniest, damn the cost. That’s what consumerism does, and Christmas is the pinnacle of that.
Truth be told, though, I’m not even bitter about that. I just imagine most kids don’t get a lot of that sense of wonder and excitement on Christmas morning, because most everyday's like Christmas, at least in the material sense.
Don’t forget, back then buying someone a present really required some effort. It used to be that getting stuff meant actually shopping. Getting dressed and driving to the store, and hoping they had what you needed. Sometimes it involved going to a bunch of different stores, and there were no malls, where everything was close together. You might have to go to several different towns! Christmas shopping was like an event in itself. These days you can just order everything online from your phone and have it show up two days later.
Christmas also means food, but even that has lost its glamour. Sure, you still get Christmas cookies and cakes and candy and all that. Yeah, you get a big meal and some shrimp and cheese and assorted nuts at holiday parties, but there again, most of us have that stuff available 24/7, 365 days a year. It used to be that the grocery store sold ingredients. If you wanted a decent cake, you went to a bakery. If you wanted fancy nuts or cheese or hor d'oeuvres, or shrimp, for that matter, you saved up your money and had a party, and then dreamt about those things until the next time you were lucky enough to go to some gathering. Now even the lowliest grocery store has a bakery department, and sells prepared food. All sorts of snacks are cheap and plentiful. You can have designer cupcakes and other treats delivered to your door from a million apps and websites. We eat and live like everyday is a party.
Still, you know what? I’m not all grumpy and put out by any of that either. It simply means that our quality of life has vastly improved. Rather than gripe about spoiled kids who have it better than us, and the loss of some magic I have conjured up because I only got to eat from a cheese platter at Christmas, or maybe an after funeral party, I just figure “good for them!” People have it good these days. I had it good in my day, compared to the people who came before. At least I wasn’t working in a factory at eight years old, or dying of cholera or tuberculosis.
People now complain about Christmas music being everywhere, but again, it used to be that if you were lucky the local radio station would play one or two Christmas songs an hour. These days, we have so much control over our entertainment choices. We stream our music, or listen from a near infinite library that we carry on our phones in our pockets wherever we go. We have all the Christmas music we want at our fingertips, and if we don’t want it, we have plenty of options at all times. Even people who complain about Christmas music playing in stores makes no sense, because most of them are wearing headphones.
Truth be told, I like a lot of Christmas music. I like Christmas lights and decorations. I like Christmas trees. I like a lot of the goofy holiday specials, and the old traditional movies they drag out every year at this time. I like cards, and presents, and people generally acting a little less like dicks, even if they are just faking it and it’s killing them inside to do it.
“Yes, but what about the religious aspect?” you are thinking. “Now is where the other shoe drops, and he goes off the rails and attacks all the Jesus freaks.” Nope. I don’t care one iota what other people believe. I don’t care if they make Christmas all about church and God and whatever. Sure, there are some wackos who cry about the war on Christmas, and get mad about Starbucks cups and keeping Christ in Christmas, but so what? There are vegans who think animal crackers are immoral, and atheists that fight to keep crosses off of monuments to fallen soldiers, and a ton of people on all sides who feel justified blowing up innocent people and children if they think it furthers their cause. Fuck those people. They make up a small portion of the population, and the groups they claim to represent.
Some holiday religious services are absolutely beautiful, and you can enjoy them just for the feeling of community and ceremony and joy they provide, even if you think Jesus is just as made up as Santa. You can ignore it if you want, but to shit all over it just because you feel like it really isn’t a good look on anyone.
So there you have it. Christmas gets a very favorable review indeed. In fact, the only real downside of Christmas is that sometimes the fact that it brings so much joy is the reason it can make you feel miserable and alone. Maybe some of the people that you shared so many holiday memories with are gone. Maybe you don’t have anyone right now to make new memories with. Maybe most of the things that are making so many people happy right now simply remind you of what you don’t have. Maybe you feel you are too old or too jaded to get caught up in any of this holiday nonsense. Perhaps you don’t have a lot of money to spend, or you aren’t getting exactly what you wanted.
So what? Have you not seen any fucking Christmas movies or Rankin/Bass TV specials? Have you not read Dickens? Literally every single Christmas tale is about finding joy in what you have, in keeping the spirit in you alive, that money and material things don’t buy happiness and define what Christmas is all about. How it’s about love and caring and reaching out and helping others.
If you really are alone, you can go volunteer somewhere, and help someone less fortunate than you. If you can’t find it in yourself to help people, help some of the animals in shelters with no family on Christmas. Celebrate the memories of those who are gone, and keep them in your heart on the holidays. Go bring others the holiday spirit, and celebrate all the good in your life, rather than look for reasons to be miserable. Be charitable, be joyous, open your heart to others. You know, the way you’re supposed to, and not just on Christmas.
If you came here looking for someone to give you more reasons to hate Christmas, sorry, but you got the wrong reviewer. Christmas gets a solid ten out of ten, as far as convoluted and made up holidays go. Who cares if it’s a commercial money grab? Who cares if some people make it about excess and greed? Who cares if it comes with some memories and emotions that might make you cry a little? Christmas comes at the end of the year because part of it symbolizes new beginnings, so give yourself some new beginnings for Christmas. Christmas is like so many other things, it is what you make it, so make it joyous and cheerful.
You get to decide what kind of Christmas you have, so have yourself a merry little Christmas, for Christ’s sake. Why would you want any other kind?
Well, you are going to be disappointed. Somewhat, anyway. I like Christmas, and all the traditions and togetherness and other crap that goes along with it. At least I used to. If I have one complaint about Christmas, it’s that the older I get, the less I excited I am about it. If I’m not seeing anyone at the time, it just makes you feel a little bit more lonely. I am old, and I am alone, so that takes some of the luster off of it.
That’s natural, though. When I was a kid, I remember my parents doing a lot of stuff to make Christmas fun and memorable for my brother and me. When I think back on it, though, I recall that they weren’t really having a lot of fun all the time. It was work for them. The joy they got out of it was seeing it through the eyes of their children. So if you’re kind of old, you have that. If you’re pretty old, you have grandkids, so you still get some of that contact high. If you’re really old, you just want to get the damn thing over with already, and get back to waiting for death, either with dread or a sense of relief.
Even when I was older, although I had no children, I could still enjoy Christmas through the eyes of my nieces. I still had fun going to or throwing my own parties. My parents used to always have a houseful of people on Christmas eve. The holidays were still kind of fun.
Now my friends and I don’t really care all that much about parties. For acquaintances with children and families, it feels like one more obligation to cram into an already busy schedule. My parent’s friends are mostly dead, so having a party on Christmas eve is now like a visual representation of whatever the high end life expectancy is at the time. It simply serves as a reminder that they probably don’t have a lot of Christmases left in them, so in the absence of sort of tontine forged long ago in some secret society, there is no reason to see who lived to see another December. Still, living to see another Christmas is cause for celebration.
I don’t know if Christmas means quite the same thing for today’s kids as it did for kids from older generations. When I was a kid, you didn’t have all the gadgets and choices you have today. You had a few TV channels, a movie theater, (with two screens, if you were lucky), and a lot of spare time. You didn’t have phones or the internet or streaming or video games. Kids today must look back and think kids from the older generations really got screwed. We were expected to entertain ourselves. Most kids didn’t really have a lot of toys, at least not really cool ones. Everyone had board games, but there were only a few somewhat expensive, really fun and exciting toys a year, and you generally got one of those at Christmas, again, if you were lucky. Nowadays, kids regularly get whatever new video game comes out that day, at $60+ a pop. In my day, a video game like that was something you might get at Christmas, if you were lucky, and if your parents could find it on sale or in some bargain bin. They have the latest phones, also filled with video games. The best we had was walkie talkies, that had a range of 25 feet. You waited for Christmas for that one really amazing toy a year you might get.
There was no guarantee you were getting it at all. I was lucky that there was only my brother and I. My parents could afford two decent toys once a year. I had friends whose family had four or five kids, and there was no way their parents were buying that many expensive toys. The best they could hope for is one big one that they all had to share, which was often worse than getting nothing at all. If you didn’t get that one big, had to have toy, you lived with it. You might pout and whine if you were a lousy kid, but you got over it.
These days, I see kids getting amazing and cool things all year long, like it’s just a given. I see parents going overboard at Christmas, and spending thousands of dollars on their kids. And why not? That’s how they live as well. People these days want whatever is newest and shiniest, damn the cost. That’s what consumerism does, and Christmas is the pinnacle of that.
Truth be told, though, I’m not even bitter about that. I just imagine most kids don’t get a lot of that sense of wonder and excitement on Christmas morning, because most everyday's like Christmas, at least in the material sense.
Don’t forget, back then buying someone a present really required some effort. It used to be that getting stuff meant actually shopping. Getting dressed and driving to the store, and hoping they had what you needed. Sometimes it involved going to a bunch of different stores, and there were no malls, where everything was close together. You might have to go to several different towns! Christmas shopping was like an event in itself. These days you can just order everything online from your phone and have it show up two days later.
Christmas also means food, but even that has lost its glamour. Sure, you still get Christmas cookies and cakes and candy and all that. Yeah, you get a big meal and some shrimp and cheese and assorted nuts at holiday parties, but there again, most of us have that stuff available 24/7, 365 days a year. It used to be that the grocery store sold ingredients. If you wanted a decent cake, you went to a bakery. If you wanted fancy nuts or cheese or hor d'oeuvres, or shrimp, for that matter, you saved up your money and had a party, and then dreamt about those things until the next time you were lucky enough to go to some gathering. Now even the lowliest grocery store has a bakery department, and sells prepared food. All sorts of snacks are cheap and plentiful. You can have designer cupcakes and other treats delivered to your door from a million apps and websites. We eat and live like everyday is a party.
Still, you know what? I’m not all grumpy and put out by any of that either. It simply means that our quality of life has vastly improved. Rather than gripe about spoiled kids who have it better than us, and the loss of some magic I have conjured up because I only got to eat from a cheese platter at Christmas, or maybe an after funeral party, I just figure “good for them!” People have it good these days. I had it good in my day, compared to the people who came before. At least I wasn’t working in a factory at eight years old, or dying of cholera or tuberculosis.
People now complain about Christmas music being everywhere, but again, it used to be that if you were lucky the local radio station would play one or two Christmas songs an hour. These days, we have so much control over our entertainment choices. We stream our music, or listen from a near infinite library that we carry on our phones in our pockets wherever we go. We have all the Christmas music we want at our fingertips, and if we don’t want it, we have plenty of options at all times. Even people who complain about Christmas music playing in stores makes no sense, because most of them are wearing headphones.
Truth be told, I like a lot of Christmas music. I like Christmas lights and decorations. I like Christmas trees. I like a lot of the goofy holiday specials, and the old traditional movies they drag out every year at this time. I like cards, and presents, and people generally acting a little less like dicks, even if they are just faking it and it’s killing them inside to do it.
“Yes, but what about the religious aspect?” you are thinking. “Now is where the other shoe drops, and he goes off the rails and attacks all the Jesus freaks.” Nope. I don’t care one iota what other people believe. I don’t care if they make Christmas all about church and God and whatever. Sure, there are some wackos who cry about the war on Christmas, and get mad about Starbucks cups and keeping Christ in Christmas, but so what? There are vegans who think animal crackers are immoral, and atheists that fight to keep crosses off of monuments to fallen soldiers, and a ton of people on all sides who feel justified blowing up innocent people and children if they think it furthers their cause. Fuck those people. They make up a small portion of the population, and the groups they claim to represent.
Some holiday religious services are absolutely beautiful, and you can enjoy them just for the feeling of community and ceremony and joy they provide, even if you think Jesus is just as made up as Santa. You can ignore it if you want, but to shit all over it just because you feel like it really isn’t a good look on anyone.
So there you have it. Christmas gets a very favorable review indeed. In fact, the only real downside of Christmas is that sometimes the fact that it brings so much joy is the reason it can make you feel miserable and alone. Maybe some of the people that you shared so many holiday memories with are gone. Maybe you don’t have anyone right now to make new memories with. Maybe most of the things that are making so many people happy right now simply remind you of what you don’t have. Maybe you feel you are too old or too jaded to get caught up in any of this holiday nonsense. Perhaps you don’t have a lot of money to spend, or you aren’t getting exactly what you wanted.
So what? Have you not seen any fucking Christmas movies or Rankin/Bass TV specials? Have you not read Dickens? Literally every single Christmas tale is about finding joy in what you have, in keeping the spirit in you alive, that money and material things don’t buy happiness and define what Christmas is all about. How it’s about love and caring and reaching out and helping others.
If you really are alone, you can go volunteer somewhere, and help someone less fortunate than you. If you can’t find it in yourself to help people, help some of the animals in shelters with no family on Christmas. Celebrate the memories of those who are gone, and keep them in your heart on the holidays. Go bring others the holiday spirit, and celebrate all the good in your life, rather than look for reasons to be miserable. Be charitable, be joyous, open your heart to others. You know, the way you’re supposed to, and not just on Christmas.
If you came here looking for someone to give you more reasons to hate Christmas, sorry, but you got the wrong reviewer. Christmas gets a solid ten out of ten, as far as convoluted and made up holidays go. Who cares if it’s a commercial money grab? Who cares if some people make it about excess and greed? Who cares if it comes with some memories and emotions that might make you cry a little? Christmas comes at the end of the year because part of it symbolizes new beginnings, so give yourself some new beginnings for Christmas. Christmas is like so many other things, it is what you make it, so make it joyous and cheerful.
You get to decide what kind of Christmas you have, so have yourself a merry little Christmas, for Christ’s sake. Why would you want any other kind?
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