Generic Brand Toilet Paper
Product review: Generic brand toilet paper. The first thing you want to ask yourself is: should I really be pinching pennies when it comes to toilet paper? After all, it is pretty much the only thing that comes between your hand and your asshole. Yes, I know some of you might disagree with that, but you live a much more daring life than I do. You wonder if it’s soft enough, strong enough, if it will gently cleanse you in a way befitting of your station in life. That’s a lot to put on something you are going to use to wipe your ass. Let’s face it, most of civilization got by just fine without toilet paper throughout its history. Sure, there may have been some scabies and pink eye along the way, but for the most part people could live a perfectly happy life using leaves and bark or animal hide or the Saturday Evening Post to clean up after pooping. Sure, they probably only lived into their early thirties before indentured servitude or a jaguar attack ended their pitiful existence, but that existence was relatively poop free. Actually, that’s probably not true at all. If you look at history, fecal matter was always a big problem. People are disgusting and biology is gross. But I digress.
The first thing I noticed when comparing the store brand with the higher price stuff is the packaging. The wrappers look pretty much the same. I find it very informative that the label points out that it contains 1 roll. It is so hard to tell these days, what with unscrupulous manufacturers selling us smaller portions to increase profits. You never know if you are going to get one standard size roll of toilet paper, or get home only to find that it’s four tiny rolls packaged to look like one, and they don’t fit your toilet paper dispenser. They all pretty much trumpet the fact that each roll is 1,000 sheets. Isn’t that just doing the bare minimum though? You know they realized that anything under 1,000 just looks cheap. They need to hit that next decimal point. 995 sheets sounds like failure. I’m not sure why they even need a wrapper, to be honest. I mean, considering what you’re going to use it for, do they need to keep it that fresh or clean?
The toilet paper itself isn’t really any different from the name brand, at least not any difference your butthole can discern. I guess your might worry that some judgmental and stuck up aunt may come over, and while using your bathroom examine the quality of your toilet paper, and tell all their stuck up friends and other family members how you must be doing poorly, and it’s such a shame that you can’t afford Charmin toilet paper, not even to put out for your guests. Fuck you Aunt Sophie, I’m doing the best I can in a difficult economy! I’m sorry we can’t all live up to your lofty expectations. I wasn’t lucky enough to marry a man that made partner in his law firm, and let’s face it, only because his dad’s name is on the side of the goddamn building! Maybe you should think about that before you criticize me!
Sorry. Got caught up in a little something there. Anyway, there’s not much difference, so I can recommend buying the generic brand if you’re trying to save money. Although, now that I think about it, it’s like a ten cent difference between the store brand and the name brand, so how much is that ten cents really saving you? It might be worth it to keep that bitch Sophie’s mouth from running at the next family reunion.
The first thing I noticed when comparing the store brand with the higher price stuff is the packaging. The wrappers look pretty much the same. I find it very informative that the label points out that it contains 1 roll. It is so hard to tell these days, what with unscrupulous manufacturers selling us smaller portions to increase profits. You never know if you are going to get one standard size roll of toilet paper, or get home only to find that it’s four tiny rolls packaged to look like one, and they don’t fit your toilet paper dispenser. They all pretty much trumpet the fact that each roll is 1,000 sheets. Isn’t that just doing the bare minimum though? You know they realized that anything under 1,000 just looks cheap. They need to hit that next decimal point. 995 sheets sounds like failure. I’m not sure why they even need a wrapper, to be honest. I mean, considering what you’re going to use it for, do they need to keep it that fresh or clean?
The toilet paper itself isn’t really any different from the name brand, at least not any difference your butthole can discern. I guess your might worry that some judgmental and stuck up aunt may come over, and while using your bathroom examine the quality of your toilet paper, and tell all their stuck up friends and other family members how you must be doing poorly, and it’s such a shame that you can’t afford Charmin toilet paper, not even to put out for your guests. Fuck you Aunt Sophie, I’m doing the best I can in a difficult economy! I’m sorry we can’t all live up to your lofty expectations. I wasn’t lucky enough to marry a man that made partner in his law firm, and let’s face it, only because his dad’s name is on the side of the goddamn building! Maybe you should think about that before you criticize me!
Sorry. Got caught up in a little something there. Anyway, there’s not much difference, so I can recommend buying the generic brand if you’re trying to save money. Although, now that I think about it, it’s like a ten cent difference between the store brand and the name brand, so how much is that ten cents really saving you? It might be worth it to keep that bitch Sophie’s mouth from running at the next family reunion.
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